I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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