Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
