He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Randomize
