does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
