U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
