Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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