I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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