I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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