OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
