too bad you live with your parents still
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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