Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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