did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
