i don't like sucking hair
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
