I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
