if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
