You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
