guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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