Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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