I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
