there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
