now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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