Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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