I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
