i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
