3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
