508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
