Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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