I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
