Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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