we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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