I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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