Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
