awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She told me I should be a condom model.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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