Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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