in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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