Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
