There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she looked like the before picture.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
