batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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