sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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