woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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