i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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