Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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