Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
