Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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