kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
