conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize