Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
