RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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