That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
