I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
