I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
