just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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