feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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