Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
