Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My vagina is very pro this idea
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
