I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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