btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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