awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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