Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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