I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
