would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
