i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
