My Higher Power is John Stamos
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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