you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
