I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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