Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
