what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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