508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
